- Child for sale. Excellent per-pound value.
- April 26th, 15:48
My boy, age 15.
--His tummy wasn't feeling good this morning, but he's missed a lot of school off sick lately so I told him to try and tough it out.
--I was doing grocery shopping when he phoned me this afternoon. He has diarrhea, is spending all his time in the bathroom at school, and doesn't dare try to ride the school bus home. I promise to pick him up when I'm done with my shopping.
--Groceries purchased include a bag of tortilla chips and a package of generic Fig Newtons.
--At the school, he tells me I need to drive as fast as I can, because he doesn't think he can make it. Along the way, he makes sure I know he won't be available to carry in any groceries because he'll be in the bathroom.
--We arrive. He runs into the house. I slowly carry in bags of groceries, put frozen food in the freezer, cold stuff in the fridge, canned goods in the cabinet, you know the drill. He interrupts me to ask if generic Pepto-Bismol will help. I tell him it can't hurt, and pour him out a dose.
--I fire up my computer to catch up with the world. He knocks on my door. "Are you cooking those brats for dinner?" he asks. "I was planning on it, but then I thought you wouldn't be hungry with your stomach all tore up."
--"Oh, I can eat all right. I've been sitting on the toilet eating tortilla chips."
So my son is for sale. I'll start the bidding at a penny per pound.
And he's already opened the fig newtons, too.